Author: Sarah White, Truman State University, '22
We’ve all heard or seen it: the story of how a girl meets a boy, they date, get married, and have kids. Society presses these expectations on girls from a young age. Why should women feel the need to have children? What if that’s not their plan?
It doesn’t take a major history lesson to remember that women’s roles as mothers were emphasized in the past. For example, Spartan women’s main roles were to bear and raise children (especially young boys) for their military. This expectation of maternal love carried on to the present: think about all the toys and books that appeal to young girls. These usually include kitchen sets and baby dolls. Usually, the packaging displays a girl playing with these toys and the general public thinks nothing of it. We know that representation matters and is especially important to younger generations, but what if this sort of representation hurts? This isn’t a call to take down all these toys and books from the shelves, but it is a call to think about what we teach our future generations and how we can encourage young girls to voice what they want to do.
A study published in June 2021 by Jennifer Watling Neal and Zachary P. Neal found that there wasn’t a difference in life satisfaction between childfree adults and parents (Neal and Neal 2021). This proves that having kids might not be an ultimate goal for some women. Some women simply want children, and some don’t. If someone said they didn’t want pepperoni on their pizza, most people wouldn’t question why they didn’t want pepperoni. It’s a matter of choice.
Some may argue that one’s biological clock hasn’t “set in”, or that a woman hasn’t met the right person yet. Perhaps these people have a point: women may change their minds about not having kids after they meet their soulmate. It is okay for women to change their minds about having children, but societal standards pushing this expectation is not okay. Women may feel like outcasts if they don’t want children, which can lead to unhappiness and dissatisfaction in life. It is better for people to stay out of each other’s business rather than pressure others into doing something they may not want to do.
So how do we deconstruct these social pressures? For one, we can be aware of triggering questions and statements, such as, “When will you have children?” or “I want to be an aunt!” Another possible solution is to portray younger girls playing with things other than kitchen sets and dolls. What if more commercials showed boys playing with dolls, or girls playing with trucks? Kids should take pride in their interests, whether they are considered socially acceptable or not.
Ultimately, not wanting children does not make you any less of a woman, and wanting children does not make you any more of a woman. What really matters is if you are happy with your life. Social standards often make childfree people feel like outsiders; the same study published in June 2021 found that people who have or want children felt less warm towards childfree people (Neal and Neal 2021). This is alarming since more and more women do not want children. In fact, according to the CDC, the number of births in the United States decreased 4% in 2020 from 2019, marking the sixth consecutive year that the number of births has decreased (CDC 2021). Society cannot outcast women who do not want children because we do not know how it can affect their well-being and mental health. We must release the stigma that bearing children is the ultimate goal for women by having conversations with younger generations.
Citations:
Hamilton BE, Martin JA, Osterman MJK. Births: Provisional data for 2020. Vital Statistics Rapid Release; no 12. Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics. May 2021. DOI: https:// doi.org/10.15620/cdc:104993.
Watling Neal J, Neal ZP (2021) Prevalence and characteristics of childfree adults in Michigan (USA). PLoS ONE 16(6): e0252528. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0252528.
Graphic by Aarushi Kodakalla
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